hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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