I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
