we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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