and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
