So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
