3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
