I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize