i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
