What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
