seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
