so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
