You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
