look no pants
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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