About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
