just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize