You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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