People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
