Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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