why didn't you poke me back
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
