Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
