the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The uberlube is also flammable
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
