I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
