he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
