you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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