my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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