i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
