You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
