he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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