I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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