Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize