Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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