I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
