kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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