clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
