You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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