just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
