whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
