a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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