She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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