Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
