Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
