Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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