If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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