i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
