tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ttyl tear gas
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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