I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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