why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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