Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
