you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize