Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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