What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
