just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
