i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
