I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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