So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
