You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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