We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
