do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
