Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
