All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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