May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
