Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
