2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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