I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
