I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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