saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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