talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
