I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize