Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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