So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
