It's like God shit irony all over that family
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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