I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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