My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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