i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
