Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
