My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
