He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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