One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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