my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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