im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
