there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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