your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
