...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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