you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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