She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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