is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
