I think i peed on brittanys purse
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
