The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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