you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
