Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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