Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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