New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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