I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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