if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
