I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize