Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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