so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
