She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
