So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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