We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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