I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
