I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
