first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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