Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
