how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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