Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
