Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
