Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
