it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
