Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
